Thread the needle

I have a cat. Specifically, an 18 lb, morbidly obese, narcoleptic, Houdini-imitating, tabby cat (Exhibit A). I also have a screen door, with an increasingly large hole (Exhibit B).

A B

Recently my cat has become quite determined to escape this prison he calls home. To an outsider it would appear he is spoiled rotten, he gets to sleep at the foot of the bed, he spends all day napping in the lazy boy recliner and watching the birds at the 6 feeders outside. He gets eggs and fish as treats and try as I might I can't seem to keep him from eating copious amounts of dog food in addition to his daily allotment of cat food. But despite all this, the cat is compelled to escape.

It started as a small hole barely big enough for the cat to fit his nose into but he worked at it and pretty soon he could get his head through and then his front paws and shoulders. One day I found him stuck in the door his enormous behind lodged firmly in the opening mewing desperately and whacking his tail from side to side. I tried to block the screen off but he always seems to find a way around so I finally resigned myself to keeping the door shut.

The other day, I opened the door to go outside and heard an enormous thundering gallop from the other side of the house. I turned just in time to see the cat streak by me headed straight for the hole that he could only fit most of the way through. As he approached the door I grabbed for him but he slipped through my hands. He hit the screen full speed, his head shoulders and front legs all passed through the hole unhindered. Then his rear haunches got stuck but he had built up so much momentum that he was unable to stop. I watched as the cat hurtled forward, butt firmly lodged in the door on a arced trajectory until the springs on the screen door stretched to their limit and recoiled. With a wail of protest, the cat flew backwards and when the door slammed shut he was blasted, backwards out the hole in the screen. Stunned, he lumbered off clearly confused.

Next time you try to thread the needle Kitty, make sure the string will fit.