Tuesday, June 19, 2007

"Are you experiencing any confusion or disorientation?"

About a year ago I was diagnosed with a corneal ulcer. It was unbelievably painful and I have no idea how I got it. After a lot of eye drops and multiple exams by zealous Dutch ophthalmologist I was pronounced healed.

Today, while sitting in a meeting, I inadvertently rubbed my eye (the same one). Instantly I experienced a searing, blinding pain. Tears started squirting straight out from my eye in a decidedly horizontal trajectory. I stumbled out of the meeting and after carefully examining my eye in the bathroom mirror I determined the following:
1. I have no idea what happened.
2. It freakin hurts! Perhaps if I dig the eyeball out with a spoon it will stop hurting.
3. It is very red.
4. The words "cry me a river" are really overused, but seem to apply here.
5. I am going to have to go back to the zealous Dutch ophthalmologist.

After several hours, and much angst, I was sitting in the exam room. The doctor then produced a spot light approximately 2 feet in diameter and turned it on. " You aren't experiencing any light sensitivity are you?" he asked rhetorically.

"Uhhhh, not yet" I thought to myself. Thankfully, the exam didn't hurt, the doctor used florescent dye and a special light to make the affected area on my cornea appear visible. It was like something you would see on CSI, only I wasn't dead.

The diagnosis he informed me was a condition know as corneal erosion. "Good one!" I laughed and slapped my knee remembering how during my last visit we had briefly discussed my work as a soil erosion control inspector. He must have remembered this and was now making a joke to lift my spirits. "Perhaps I should install a silt fence around my cornea so that it doesn't erode any further. I wouldn't want to have to send myself a violation notice." Ha ha ha.

The doctor looked at me perplexed. "Are you experiencing any confusion or disorientation?" I instantly stopped laughing. He thought I had gone nuts! As he explained that the condition, I thought to myself: this has got to be the ultimate cosmic retribution. The soil erosion inspector's eyeball is eroding away. If that isn't irony, I don't know what is. And as for all you contractors out there sticking pins into the eyes of your Voodoo dolls, you can stop anytime.

7 comments:

Estee said...

"Are you experiencing any confusion or disorientation?" I think THIS should be the title of your blog... bwaha ha ha ha ha!!!

On a very serious note, what does cornea erosion mean? Can you do anything about it? Yikes!! (((hugs))) to my very favorite soil erosion expert.

Estee said...

Ok, I just read the explanation on Wikipedia and it says that you are not allowed to sleep in. My whole world would end. I need to send you some sympathy flowers.

Rachel said...

I am with Estee..."Are you experiencing any confusion or disorientation?" Should be either your next entry or change the name of this one! LOL...this is no laughing matter, as my Grandmother would say...its all funny now until someone loses an eye! I am so going to throw lots of get wells to you ~ and "eye" mean it! HA HA ~ bad joke! Ok everyones a comedian except me! Hope you get this under control.

Estee said...

Just have to say, I really like Rachel. :) I totally didn't even think of all the "eye" jokes that could be used!! Man, I must be off today!!

BB said...

Seriously, enough with the eye jokes! "Eye" don't think it is funny (OK actually I do). When I got home from the doctor and told Chris what had happened, we had the following exchange:
C: I knew going to that movie this weekend was a mistake.
B: I am talking about my eye. What are you talking about?
C: Seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 3, I take you to one pirate flick and now you are hell bent on getting an eye patch.
B: *death ray stare* (from the remaining functional eye)

Estee said...

Chris 1
BB 0

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Heather said...

You poor dear! I really hope that you are okay. And OMG on are you experiencing any confusion... How about everyday doc? LOL