Thursday, June 21, 2007

This vacuum sucks!

The place: our driveway
The time: rapidly approaching dinner
The victim: my unsuspecting and curious husband

This evening just as we were getting ready to cook dinner, a clanker van stuffed to the gills with people came screaming into the driveway on two wheels and screeched to a halt. A woman, who could be described as nothing less than exuberant, leapt from the vehicle and informed Chris that he could get a "free gift" if he would give them a few minutes of his time. Before I knew what happened there was a Kirby vacuum sales person in our home, with her shoes off assembling a vacuum in the middle of the living room.

After a 60 minute demonstration of the $2,000.00 contraption which included vacuuming the entire living room, shampooing the carpet, and showing how the amazing Kirby vacuum could unclog a drain or function as an air compressor, we managed to get her out of the house. Only one problem, the van had disappeared and there seemed to be no sign that they were ever coming back to get her.

In the 90 minutes that followed we sat on the porch with her waiting for her ride to pick her up here are some of the highlights of the conversation:

Sales Lady: did you know that there are only, like, uhhh, 150 pediatricians in all of Illinois, Michigan, and Indiana combined? And none of them know anything.
Us: Wow.
SL: I'm going to Western Michigan University to be a pediatrician but I'm having a really tough time passing math. It is so hard!
Us: *utter silence*

SL: The Kalamazoo promise program is a fraud. I know this one lady who has 12 kids and triplets and twins (I think that would bring the grand total to 17 .... again, not so much with the math) they all went to school in Kalamazoo and none of them got free tuition, what a scam! They all had 4.0s and none of them even got kicked out!
Us: 17 kids huh?
SL: Yeah, she had them all in like 10 years.

SL: I fell *through* the stairs at my apartment complex.
Us: Oh my gosh, were you hurt?
SL: Yes but I got better real fast so cut my cast off early and went back to work selling vacuums. Do you know any good lawyers? I want to sue my land lord and my boss said not to take less than 20 grand.
Us: We don't know any lawyers.

SL:It is so hot out here it is off the chain!
Us: Um yes, off the chain.

Us: Is your boss on her way?
SL: Oh, she is probably lost, she always gets lost. Can I use your phone to call her?

When the van FINALLY pulled into the driveway, we bolted into the house, locked the doors and shut the drapes. Apparently we aren't the only ones who had a bad experience; check out these consumer horror stories! I can not emphasize this point enough: do not let these people into your home! Our free gift? A roll of paper towels and some off brand cleaning wipes.

11 comments:

Estee said...

Wow. Just. Wow. I didn't know that those people really existed. I thought it was more of an urban legend. Craziness. Well, at least your carpet is clean!! :)

Heather said...

Ok, that is just freakin' hilarious!

I would have thought you would like her...her conversations seemed completely random, like you :)

Me said...

You forgot to mention that the carpet thing she was selling didn't do any better of a job than our vacume cleaner RAAA... Our Kenmore Rules the Vacuming World .....

Estee said...

(I am going to add this here since I doubt that you will be checking in to scrapbook.com!!) Didn't you see me wandering in from class with my bag o' popcorn?? Elizabeth and I would eat popcorn until we were ready to explode!! It was cheaper than ordering pizza. :)

Kristen =) said...

Love the Blog.... Too Funny!

Seen your blog page on scrapbook.com and thought I would read a few!

Your defiantly bookmarked!

Heather said...

Dude my Mom has that vacuum. She bought it just to get them out of the house! LOL

Rebecca said...

They just left my driveway! I figured it was a scam so I looked it up online, so here I am. We were a little upset because their noisy junker van woke up our son... who we finally got to go to sleep. I grabbed their license number and called public safety for fun. I said that they were a little sketchy (which they were) and that they were pulling in and out of driveways. We have had a few break-ins recently so they sent a car out looking for them. I'm hoping they were a bit inconvenienced by the whole thing.

Rebecca said...

They just left my driveway! I figured it was a scam so I looked it up online, so here I am. We were a little upset because their noisy junker van woke up our son... who we finally got to go to sleep. I grabbed their license number and called public safety for fun. I said that they were a little sketchy (which they were) and that they were pulling in and out of driveways. We have had a few break-ins recently so they sent a car out looking for them. I'm hoping they were a bit inconvenienced by the whole thing.

Rebecca said...

They just left my driveway! I figured it was a scam so I looked it up online, so here I am. We were a little upset because their noisy junker van woke up our son... who we finally got to go to sleep. I grabbed their license number and called public safety for fun. I said that they were a little sketchy (which they were) and that they were pulling in and out of driveways. We have had a few break-ins recently so they sent a car out looking for them. I'm hoping they were a bit inconvenienced by the whole thing.

Rebecca said...

They just left my driveway! I figured it was a scam so I looked it up online, so here I am. We were a little upset because their noisy junker van woke up our son... who we finally got to go to sleep. I grabbed their license number and called public safety for fun. I said that they were a little sketchy (which they were) and that they were pulling in and out of driveways. We have had a few break-ins recently so they sent a car out looking for them. I'm hoping they were a bit inconvenienced by the whole thing.

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