Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Not a monster truck... technically

This is our snow blower. Or as I like to refer to it, Ghengis Khan the snow eating machine. This thing has to be seen to be believed. It has gigantic monster truck tires that would make a redneck blush. So you don't get stuck it has 4 wheel drive and it is a stick shift. Like they put in sports cars. I have added it to the list of stick shift things I am not good at driving including Chris's last car. Until Ghengis came along, I didn't even know that they made stick shift snow blowers. But, evidently they do.

The handles heat up so that your fingers don't get cold, because, lets face it, if you need a snow blower this huge you live in the friggin' arctic circle. An since here in the arctic circle it is dark all the time, no snow blower could be with out a head light which we also have. This thing can eat through 18 inches of heavy wet snow with out so much as a shudder thanks to the churning auger of certain death. You just drive straight at the giant pile of snow and it just grinds it right up and shoots it out the top.

This brings me to the most notable feature of the snow blower which I believe was an after-market addition by my father-in-law the last owner. The automatic, wife-locating snow thrower with 20 foot range. If I got outside while Chris is clearing the driveway, it doesn't matter where I stand. I will be pelted with snow by a force equal to the launch of ten thousand snow balls. The black chute that throws the snow will swivel in circles searching until it locates me. It's like one of those heat seeking missiles. A wife seeking *snow* missile. Once it has locked onto it target, namely, me, it doesn't not matter if I bob or weave or even run in the opposite direction. I will be completely covered from head to toe in an icy white blast. Interestingly, the technology is so sensitive, it even works if I just stand at the window. Perhaps it has face recognition too.


Estee said...

Oh.my.god. That is the craziest thing I have ever seen. And I have seen a lot of crazy things. I can totally see Chris knocking you over with the "wife seeking device" and that is so not cool. A typical husband move though, so I am not surprised. Husbands are very tricky and ALWAYS think that things are funny that are, in fact, not all all amusing.

I will keep my fingers crossed for warmer weather! Miss you!!

Adam said...

May I point out one small mistake in your writing, I do not believe the snow blower has 4 wheel drive, but rather, it has all wheel drive. Being your car twin, I felt I was obligated to inform you of this inconceivably large simple mistake.

Rachel said...

LOL....love the idea of watching Chris praying for a blizzard snow so he can impress you with his snowblowing skills! Amazing to think someday when it dies that the neighbors will have a field day waiting for Chris to put it by the road so they can add it to their odd collection of fun unusable appliances!