Wednesday, November 21, 2007

It's a little too cold for that

It's time for another edition of what the hell are the neighbors doing now.

Two weeks ago, Chris and I were outside grilling when we saw Mr Fix-it walk down the back steps of his house and over to the washing machine sitting along side the house. We had both assumed that this washing machine was not operational, with it being OUTSIDE and all. How wrong we were. He opened the lid and reached down inside to retrieve a load of sopping wet clothes. After he staggered back up the stairs an into his house, Chris and I turned towards each other our shocked faces lit up only but the now flaming lamb chop on the grill.

"That is insane!" Chris said, "I can't believe that their washing machine is outside. It is November, it's going to freeze soon and their house will flood when the pipes burst."

"Yeah" I responded, "I can't believe thy actually wash clothes in that, I thought they just used it to sit on while they shaved each others heads this summer. I had no idea it actually worked!"

"I know! Wait, what?" Chris looked at me over the smoldering lamb chop, "They do what?"

"Oh, you've never seen them do that? They come out here and one will sit on the washing machine while the other guy shaves his head and when he is done they switch" I explained. "I guess it's a little too cold for that now."

Shaking his head, Chris silently went inside with dinner.

Fast forward to last night...

I am driving home from work when my cell phone rings. It is Chris. I answer. "Hello?"

He says:"Oh. My. God. Come home *RIGHT NOW*. Are you almost home? How much farther? When will you be here? " Before I could even stammer a response he continued, "They have covered the entire porch in plywood. Except for the very top. I assume they couldn't reach it without a ladder." His voice was now at a fever pitch. "This has to be seen to be believed. Seriously, how much longer till you get here? Hurry!"

I knew, as soon as he said they, who he was referring to. I drove home as fast as I could. It was still the longest 15 minutes of my entire life. The anticipation nearly killed me. I was not disappointed. As I drove past their house I slowed way down (read 1.2 mph). It was hideous. The entire 6x15 foot porch was enclosed with giant pieces of wood. Along the bottom the sheets of wood were just leaned up against the railings. I mean, why bother to nail it on when it will just stay up all on it's own? Its a waste of nails! Along the top of the railing there was more sheets of wood, although, none of them were tall enough to totally close off the space so there is now a 6 inch wide gap between the top of the wood and the roof all the way around. Did I mention it was hideous? I did? Oh. Well that is because it WAS hideous. And, as of 7:12 this morning, it is still hideous.

Chris and I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what they were doing in there. I guessed that maybe it was too cold for their outdoor, tropical pet parakeet. Chris thinks they moved the washing machine in there so it wouldn't freeze. We are also pretty sure at one point there was a refrigerator out on the porch as well. So we considered the possibility that they are just moving all of their appliances out onto the porch to make space for extra roommates.

"Maybe Mr. Fix-it will make it into a three season room" I suggested. "They could saw openings in the wood and duct tape saran wrap over the holes to make windows! Nothing says buy this house like a do-it-yourself three season room."


Estee said...

I seriously need a picture, or maybe two. You will get extra points if you have a picture of Chris pointing at the "creation" in shock and awe. :)

I missed your posts! I am glad that the neighbors have stepped it up so that I can be entertained. ;) Happy Thanksgiving!! Let's pray that the neighbors don't get the Food Network and decide to deep fry a turkey.

Scott said...

I must agree with Estee. A picture is required. Perhaps Chris in a ninja outfit with his sword poised to attack the shanty? Maybe he could slice open the holes for the plastic wrap?

By the way, are they still giving free hair cuts on the washer? Do they have a #1 guide on their clippers? I think I smell the sweet aroma of hillbilly infiltration. I'll find out if it's a meth lab, a safe house for the underground illegal parakeet slave trade, or just a bunch of red necks.

Scott (code name: Cleatus)

Heather said...

Dude seriously. Those people have lost it! I want to see a picture too. Insane!