Tuesday, July 31, 2007

What is creepy meaning?

My computer has been broken for a month. Since it is still under warranty, Dell has to cover the repairs. Their technical support has been pretty bad so far, I've dealt with one batty technician after another none of who seem to speak very good English. Too bad I didn't know about the survival guide before I called. I have had 4 service techs sent to my house to replace the mysterious inner workings of my laptop one part at a time. This was only after I spent an hour arguing with a particularly stubborn tech who insisted that removing the mother board of my computer was "no big deal" and "that even a monkey could do it". Evidently there was only a small amount of welding required to reattach the processor to the new mother board. "Is this a joke?" I asked "I am not doing anything that even resembles welding. I want to speak to your supervisor." At this point the tech started to hyperventilate which made him even harder to understand. Three days later, the parade of computer parts began and didn't stop for a month.

After the fourth service call to the house, the tech says to me, " I have no idea what the hell is wrong with this thing. Ship it back it Dell and let them figure it out." So that is what I did. Yesterday, after being gone less than a week, the computer was returned to me in a box unrepaired and left on my front porch with a note inside that said the part they have determined will fix the computer it is out of stock. They will ship it to me to install in the computer myself (with only minor welding required). Coincidentally, this is a part that the service tech already replaced. It did not correct the problem. This was my approximate reaction:

Chris tried to calm me down, he really did, but there was absolutely no chance of him derailing the tirade to which I was entitled. He slowly backed into the corner and surrounded himself with couch cushions to shield him from the impending blast. I called Dell. The technician who was unlucky enough to get my phone call got an ear full. After the 10 minute recap of replaced parts and hours spent on the phone trying to troubleshoot with technicians he interrupted me and said, "Dell sent it back and it still doesn't work? So what is wrong with it now?"

I'm quite certain that my scream shattered every window in every home for a 3 block radius. The pillow pile in the corner was shaking. The dog and cat were huddled together under the table. Then, in a dangerously calm voice I said "The computer will not turn on. The same as before. Nothing has changed."
"Then we will have to troubleshoot " he said. The dog, cat and Chris fled downstairs in terror.

During the next hour and a half I ran all the diagnostics I had run 10 times before but unlike any of the previous technicians this guy felt the need to fill the long silences with small talk. He asked me if I had seen the Simpson's movie and if I liked sports. Before I had a chance to respond, he told me all of his favorite American movies and sports teams. The he talked about dog fighting, the NBA, his work schedule and finally, global warming during all of which I remained utterly silent. Then things started to get a little creepy. He asked me what time it was here and then he said "It is very quiet there, are you all alone?" (WHAT?!) "Are your mother and father in bed asleep?" (OMG!)

I didn't know how to respond so I said nothing. I was flabbergasted. This dude was wacko. To say an awkward silence followed would be an extreme understatement. As I sat there I thought to myself, if he asks me what I am wearing I am hanging up. Screw the computer. Finally he blurts out, "I hope you are not pissed off, you did not answer my question."
Silently panicking I tried to think of something to say."That is because your question was inappropriate"

In a quivering whisper, he said "It is a very personal question in America to ask what sports team you like? I had no idea. I am so sorry. In India we discuss this all the time." Oh God, I thought, he is going to start crying. I made him cry. I am a terrible person.
"Please hold ma'am" After a few minutes he returns to the line and triumphantly announces "I have asked my coworker who has been to America why it is in appropriate to ask what someone's favorite sports team is. He said it is not an inappropriate question. He said asking you if you are alone was the inappropriate question. He said it is creepy. What is creepy meaning ma'am? I am now trying to stifle a fit of laughter, I cleared my throat and said "Why don't you ask him."
"Please hold ma'am!" *long pause* "He says it means, like, weird. Oh, and a little scary."

"Yes, that's very good" I said. "Can we please get back to fixing my computer now?


Grace L. Wu said...

imagine your mom dealing with this situation...

Rachel said...

After truely roars of laughter coming from my room as I read this..I am sure everyone not reading this thinks I must have lost my mind...I seem to be in a dejavu: The experience of déjà vu is usually accompanied by a compelling sense of familiarity, and also a sense of "eeriness", "strangeness", or "weirdness". ... LMAO
"Hello this is Jaquil with HP can I help you?" NOOOOOOOOOOO~

Heather said...

LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!

Estee said...

hahahahahahahahahhahaha --breathe-- hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!

I am so sorry that you had to deal with any kind of customer service representative, that always ruins my day. The last time that I called about my computer the guy that answered was -clearly- residing in India but he swore up and down that his name was Zack. Uh-huh. "You know," he said, "Like on Saved the Bells." Um... Saved by the Bell? Wow. What a point of reference.

I read Brad the message you sent on MySpace and he said, "Wow! That was good! I like her sense of humor" This, my friend, is a high compliment. :) He says that we should fly to Michigan to spend a long weekend. I think that I am slowly winning him over!! :)

Heather said...

OH MY GOD... Tech support people are dangerous... and I'm a blonde so I do whatever stupid things they tell me to do without blinking. One day DH came home and I had the insides of the entire computer out and wires strung everywhere. The stupid tech guy kept asking me can you trace the wire to where it's plugged. I said NO YOU MADE ME UNPLUG THE WIRES FROM EVERYTHING. He said okay we have to start over... after 2 hours on the phone. I THREW the phone. It took DH hours to calm me down... What was wrong with it? The internet was down. From the internet company. It had NOTHING to do with my computer. DH has ordered me to never call tech support again. ROFLOL

Dell Customer Advocate said...

My name is Brad and I work at Dell headquarters in Round Rock, TX. I came across your blog and saw that you described an issue with your Dell system. I am not sure if the issue has been resolved, but I would still like to look this case over. Please contact me back at the email address below with "Attn Brad" in the subject line and I will help you in any way that I can.

Dell Customer Advocate

Jessica B. Burstrem said...

OK, was that last comment for real??