Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Things that don't float

Many years ago on a sailing trip across Lake Erie, I lost a pair of expensive sunglasses. At the end of a long day of sailing, I was up on the bow pulling in the jib (which is one of the sails). I was leaned over the edge precariously grabbing at the sail fabric when I heard a kerplunk and looked down to see a small ripple spreading outwards in the water. My hand instantly flew to the top of my head where my sunglasses were no longer resting. I let out a dismayed wail. My Oakley sunglasses were in the lake. I contemplated jumping over after them. We were, after all, only in a few feet of water since we had pulled into a protected cove. As I looked around I noticed a large sanitary sewer outlet pipe on the shore less than 20 yards away. OK, maybe not I thought. No poo diving today. I made my way to the back of the boat where I told Chris what had happened.
"And the worst part" I said," is that the sales person who sold me the glasses, told me they would float."
A grin began to spread across Chris's face. Barely able to contain his laughter he slowly repeated my words back to me "told you...... they......would.....float.... the sunglasses, made of hard plastic with heavy lenses would float."
"Yeah!" I said, squinting up at him in the now, blinding sunlight.

At this point, Chris found it necessary to sit down so as not to injure himself when he began cackling hysterically. Each time his laughter slowed, he would look up at me as I stood there alternating between squinting and scowling and start laughing all over again. This went on for several minutes before the man got a hold of himself.

For years after this, in fact it is still going on, Chris will hand me something very heavy such as a tire iron or a vacuum cleaner and ask me if I can check to see if it will float. "Its a special one, the salesman says it will float." He informs me with noting less than glee. What a comedian.

As for the sunglasses, I replaced them shortly after that. But somewhere in lake Erie, there is a carp swimming around in my shades.

Yesterday we went water skiing. Eager to get started, I jumped into the lake with my sunglasses still on. When I broke the surface, Chris leaned over the side with his hand outstretched and said "those don't float you know" I removed the sunglasses from my head, folded them up and being too far to hand them off, I tossed them to him. The sunglasses rocketed through the air and bounced off his outstretched hand. *insert loud dramatic gasp* Together we watched as seemingly, in slow motion, the glasses tumbled through the air. I think even the dog held his breath. In a move that was nothing short of miraculous, Chris lurched forward out the side of the boat with two outstretched arms and caught the sunglasses inches above the water.
He looked at the sunglasses and then at me and shook his head. "That was close" he said.

"Yeah" I agreed, "and those don't float!"


Grace L. Wu said...

I love your blog! You're such a good story teller :) - Grace

Rachel said...

As a person who doesn't believe much of what a sales person says...I would just like to ask you if your interested in a bridge I have for sale?
Oh and it does float!

Estee said...

Well, I am right there with you. I believe what sales people tell me. Brad says that I am not allowed to buy a car or be alone with a realtor because I believe every word that comes out of their mouth. I don't know why this is such a problem, remember when I worked at Clinique and would sell BRIGHT purple eyeshadow to those hateful sorority girls? I would have never believed me, yet I believe complete strangers.

We have been looking for a new house and I know that our realtor secretly loves me because I am so very gullible. As we walk into a room that has three different colors of really ugly wallpaper and a hole in the ceiling where the ceiling fan once was he will say, "Isn't it eclectic? I can totally see you being so creative with this space." I grin at him and think of all the possibilities as Brad stomps on my foot and says, "Um, next house please. One with a little less 'potential."
I guess it's a good thing that we didn't go shopping together very often, isn't it?? :)

Scott (aka Clark) said...

That reminds me of my first summer in consulting. I was the low man on the "Sewie" crew. We were studying a sanitary sewer to look for leaks. And yes, sanitary sewers contain the worst materials known to man. Toxic poo.

I had just purchased a brand new pair of Oaklies with my first check and I was getting into the habit of putting them on top of my head so that I could see down into the dark depths of the manholes. I looked down into the nasty aroma filled manhole and gasped in astoundment. "We better note that this one is pretty plugged up" on the inspection form. Moments later as I turned my head with my hands around my eyes (to see down in the dark hole) my glasses passed through my narrow scope of view. The last I saw of those very expensive glasses was a flash of bronze passing through my field of vision and andingd in the mounds of poo, tp, used condems and feminine products. (You would be amazed at what will float in wastewater sludge.) Rescue was not an option.

I really miss those days as the low man on the Sewie crew. Actually, no....I'm good.

chris said...

I have a fork here at home do you think it sinks or floats? "will it blend?"

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Keegan Heagerty said...

Hey hey floating bridges are not un heard of. You just have to make sure that when you buy the London Bridge you aren't expecting Tower Bridge.

You might already know the story but that is how the London bridge ended up in Lake Pairs California.

Keegan Heagerty said...

Hey hey floating bridges are not un heard of. You just have to make sure that when you buy the London Bridge you aren't expecting Tower Bridge.

You might already know the story but that is how the London bridge ended up in Lake Pairs California.