Things that don't float

Many years ago on a sailing trip across Lake Erie, I lost a pair of expensive sunglasses. At the end of a long day of sailing, I was up on the bow pulling in the jib (which is one of the sails). I was leaned over the edge precariously grabbing at the sail fabric when I heard a kerplunk and looked down to see a small ripple spreading outwards in the water. My hand instantly flew to the top of my head where my sunglasses were no longer resting. I let out a dismayed wail. My Oakley sunglasses were in the lake. I contemplated jumping over after them. We were, after all, only in a few feet of water since we had pulled into a protected cove. As I looked around I noticed a large sanitary sewer outlet pipe on the shore less than 20 yards away. OK, maybe not I thought. No poo diving today. I made my way to the back of the boat where I told Chris what had happened.
"And the worst part" I said," is that the sales person who sold me the glasses, told me they would float."
A grin began to spread across Chris's face. Barely able to contain his laughter he slowly repeated my words back to me "told you...... they......would.....float.... the sunglasses, made of hard plastic with heavy lenses would float."
"Yeah!" I said, squinting up at him in the now, blinding sunlight.

At this point, Chris found it necessary to sit down so as not to injure himself when he began cackling hysterically. Each time his laughter slowed, he would look up at me as I stood there alternating between squinting and scowling and start laughing all over again. This went on for several minutes before the man got a hold of himself.

For years after this, in fact it is still going on, Chris will hand me something very heavy such as a tire iron or a vacuum cleaner and ask me if I can check to see if it will float. "Its a special one, the salesman says it will float." He informs me with noting less than glee. What a comedian.

As for the sunglasses, I replaced them shortly after that. But somewhere in lake Erie, there is a carp swimming around in my shades.

Yesterday we went water skiing. Eager to get started, I jumped into the lake with my sunglasses still on. When I broke the surface, Chris leaned over the side with his hand outstretched and said "those don't float you know" I removed the sunglasses from my head, folded them up and being too far to hand them off, I tossed them to him. The sunglasses rocketed through the air and bounced off his outstretched hand. *insert loud dramatic gasp* Together we watched as seemingly, in slow motion, the glasses tumbled through the air. I think even the dog held his breath. In a move that was nothing short of miraculous, Chris lurched forward out the side of the boat with two outstretched arms and caught the sunglasses inches above the water.
He looked at the sunglasses and then at me and shook his head. "That was close" he said.

"Yeah" I agreed, "and those don't float!"