Avian Nose Job

While I was in the driveway the other day after work, I looked up to see the gigantic first grader who lives next door out on his porch with the parakeet. This the very same child who nearly collided with my car while reading the grocery store circular just days earlier. The boy, clearly bored, was 'playing with his pet'. This consisted of wedging his nose in between the bars of the bird cage while making noises that could only be described as a frighting hybrid of a rabid owl and a run away freight train. "Woooouh Woooot Wooot Woouuuuuuhhhhhh!"

As usual, the parakeet was squeaking away but in an attempt to put some distance between himself and the weird kid the bird had crammed itself into the far corner of the cage. I stood there for no less than 10 minutes watching transfixed as the noises continued and the bird became more and more irritated. The kids face was now pressed so tightly against the cage that little bulges of skin were popping up between the bars. Perplexed I turned to head back inside. But I did not make it through the door before hearing a short series of flapping noises followed by an abrupt halt to the hooting , an indignant wail and finally a loud thud.

I guess the bird must have had enough because when I turned around, the boy was sitting in the middle of the porch with both hands clamped over his nose screaming at the top of his lungs. I can only assume that left with no other alternative, the pissed off parakeet flew across the cage and pecked the kid right on the nose to silence him.

I managed to keep from bursting out laughing until I made it inside and the door was shut behind me. Chris wondering what was so funny, listened to my story accompanied by the screams which were clearly audible inside and said "That kid has been out there for a couple hours hooting at that bird. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner"

As we left later that night we saw the boy sitting on the front steps, looking particularly miserable, with a bandage on his nose made from a sock. The bird was eying him suspiciously and each time it moved to a new spot in the cage, the kid would shrink back gripping his bandage tightly lest he might become the unwilling recipient of a second avian nose job.

Bicycle drive by

While driving home from work last night, I noticed a small bicycle weaving erratically back and forth in the street ahead of me. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the young rider (no more than 8 years old) was in fact reading the paper. This was problematic for two reasons: first, he was using his arms to hold the paper open across the handlebars and therefore could not steer the bike. Secondly, the paper was so large that he could not see over it to watch where he was going. The resulting effect being a bicycle that appeared to be driven by a drunken newspaper.

I stopped the car completely and watched with mild alarm as the bicycle continued to swerve towards me. As it got closer, I could make out the headlines of the paper, which was not in fact the paper, but the grocery store circular. The bicycle was less than 3 feet from the car now, and headed right for me. If I didn't do something, this kid was going to run his bike into my stopped car. So I honked, just a little one, but it must have gotten his attention. I saw a head peek over the top of the grocery store circular and upon realizing he was hurtling towards a collision made a face I may never forget. Eyebrows rocketed up, eyes bugged out and the mouth dropped open as he swerved away missing the car by inches.

From a safe distance behind the car, the child stopped the bike, and turned to look at me. Then he shook his head as if to say "watch it lady"! Aghast, I watched as he turned back to his grocery store circular and continued reading as he rode off.