"Are you experiencing any confusion or disorientation?"

About a year ago I was diagnosed with a corneal ulcer. It was unbelievably painful and I have no idea how I got it. After a lot of eye drops and multiple exams by zealous Dutch ophthalmologist I was pronounced healed.

Today, while sitting in a meeting, I inadvertently rubbed my eye (the same one). Instantly I experienced a searing, blinding pain. Tears started squirting straight out from my eye in a decidedly horizontal trajectory. I stumbled out of the meeting and after carefully examining my eye in the bathroom mirror I determined the following:
1. I have no idea what happened.
2. It freakin hurts! Perhaps if I dig the eyeball out with a spoon it will stop hurting.
3. It is very red.
4. The words "cry me a river" are really overused, but seem to apply here.
5. I am going to have to go back to the zealous Dutch ophthalmologist.

After several hours, and much angst, I was sitting in the exam room. The doctor then produced a spot light approximately 2 feet in diameter and turned it on. " You aren't experiencing any light sensitivity are you?" he asked rhetorically.

"Uhhhh, not yet" I thought to myself. Thankfully, the exam didn't hurt, the doctor used florescent dye and a special light to make the affected area on my cornea appear visible. It was like something you would see on CSI, only I wasn't dead.

The diagnosis he informed me was a condition know as corneal erosion. "Good one!" I laughed and slapped my knee remembering how during my last visit we had briefly discussed my work as a soil erosion control inspector. He must have remembered this and was now making a joke to lift my spirits. "Perhaps I should install a silt fence around my cornea so that it doesn't erode any further. I wouldn't want to have to send myself a violation notice." Ha ha ha.

The doctor looked at me perplexed. "Are you experiencing any confusion or disorientation?" I instantly stopped laughing. He thought I had gone nuts! As he explained that the condition, I thought to myself: this has got to be the ultimate cosmic retribution. The soil erosion inspector's eyeball is eroding away. If that isn't irony, I don't know what is. And as for all you contractors out there sticking pins into the eyes of your Voodoo dolls, you can stop anytime.